im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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