your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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