Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
