Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
