I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
