one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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