I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
