he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize