six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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