Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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