Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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