Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
