it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
