When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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