4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
