So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Less talking, more tequila
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
