you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
