You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
