New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
