i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Still dying that you shit outside
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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