Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
