I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
