Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Bring me that man meat
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize