I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
