she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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