I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
