Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I can't turn off my feet"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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