you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
