If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Let's get the cat blown out
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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