I love black thongs
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
