I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
