Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
