So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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