Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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