This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
