You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
