my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
