I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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