You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
