I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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