you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize