lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
