I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Randomize
