Plan B is the new Plan A
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
