Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
