At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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