Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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