he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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