Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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