dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
