Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
