Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize