Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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