Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
