Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
