I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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