were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
