I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize