I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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