I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
