Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I want to stick my p in your. b.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
