Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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