My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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