my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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