you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
