Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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