I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
