You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
