He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
